Leading the pack

I was still exhausted, traumatized and feeling lost and alone from leaving my ex-husband a year and half before the adoption. We were together 18 years and he was the love of my life. Leaving him and my home was the hardest thing I have ever done and it broke my heart, leaving me in shock. I left in order to save myself. It was as if I was in quicksand and sinking fast, with my life force quickly being sucked out of me. I kept blaming him for being the way he was, but I learned that he didn’t need to change for me. Everything I wanted him to be for me, I could be for me. Ouch. I’m still working on it, but part of what I wanted in him (and now in me) was leadership, strength, and confidence. And wouldn’t you know it, these were the things I learned that enabled me to adopt Ashley.

The reason I couldn’t adopt Ashley until I changed was that Arno had an aggression issue toward puppies and any dog he deemed to be behaving improperly - too dominant, hyper or with bad doggy manners. It’s cute sounding, but it wasn’t cute when I walked him. I was scared and nervous (not good leadership) he would get away from me and get into a fight with a German Shepherd, Pit Bull or Rottweiler - and get killed. Or, he would attack a puppy or small dog and kill it. I started watching The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Milan and practicing his techniques.

The biggest change I had to make was becoming the leader with Arno and disciplining him when he misbehaved. I learned to walk him and not let him walk me. Once I got the strength and confidence to keep him under control (most of the time, anyway), I was able to adopt Ashley and walk 2 at the same time. It was an amazing process to BE the leader of our little pack, which translated into being the leader in my life.

I realized that I hadn't been the leader in my life, and certainly not in my marriage. My life had become out of control and I was the victim. I am still developing personal empowerment and learning to lead my life in the direction my heart leads it. To become my own authority, as well as Arno's and Ashley's pack leader. Thank you Cesar for showing me that Arno was simply reflecting my own inner experience. And thank you for showing me how to take control and be able to adopt Ashley.

Again, life gives us exactly what we need. I'm learning to trust that.