Episodes

The first time Ashley had one of his episodes I panicked. He paced and panted all around the house. This started around 10pm, so I was up almost the whole night. I made a bed on the floor with blankets and let him crawl all over me. He had to be ON me, so I just laid on the floor and let him do whatever he needed to do. I felt so bad for him, but this was the only thing I was able to do. I was totally helpless to ease his distress.

The next day I called my vet to take him in for an exam. She found nothing wrong, but gave me a sedative to relax him and a referral to a canine internist. $800 later at the internist, still no diagnosis. The episodes continued as well as my worry. Finally we determined that he must have a brain tumor. All we could do was give him a sedative to make him sleep. At least he wouldn't be suffering for as long.

But then the episodes stopped for a while. And when they began again, he now shook as if he was terrified or cold. At first I thought it was caused by his teeth because it began while he was eating. I started crushing his food, but then the last one started while he was sleeping. That was this past Sunday. It was the worst ever. The next day he was dazed, confused, running into things and falling down. By the afternoon he was fine, but he had never acted this way the day after. Now I'm really concerned.

What is going on here?

Whatever it is, I have to surrender to it. I never know when it will begin, why it begins or how to help me. Life has given me so many lessons these past few years to teach me acceptance and how to be with what is, without resisting it. These episodes are the perfect gift. I can't get mad at Ashley, I can't help him and I can't keep it from happening. What else is there to do but surrender, comfort my sweet little boy as much as possible and just be in the moment?

Life does give us just what we need.